[I]s toleration really enough, especially in the body of Christ?
And so, both those welcoming and the one being welcomed must remember that they meet God in the other. Yes, among any group of people, there is a "This is how it is done here." And it would behoove a wanderer or a guest to learn those things. (It would also be nice of those in the majority custom do this teaching with tolerance, patience and kindness, as opposed to cruelty and cluelessness.) Especially if the wanderer is settling down. But the settled community would also best remember that "This is how it is done here" has its real emphasis on the "here." "This is how things are done here" is NOT the same as saying "this is how people do things." And God help the community that mistakes the "This is how things are done here" with "This is how all well-adjusted people should or should want to do things." THAT is the true intolerance of the liberal.
And the settled community should also remember that there are true and honest differences in individual human beings -- and not merely abstract groups, because we are children of the Living God, and not merely the sum of which Venn diagrams we belong to -- that, because those differences, even differences of "choice," reflect the many ways in which God is present in the world and to the world, should at least be tolerated.
Because too often the demand for conformity (and the mistake that conformity within the community of the faithful is THE proper practice of the sanctified community) is an end in and of itself. And this gets me back to the original part of Millman's claim, that the more egalitarian the community, the less defined and visible the hierarchy and thus the identifiable place within the community, the more the community needs and enforces conformity. And the less tolerant that community is of actual, individual human difference.